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BEACHCOMBER: New Driving Rules?

  • By David Barron

I get lots of complaints about driving in our local area. In the past I have written about some of the driving and pedestrian habits here, but I thought I’d sum up some of the common, though illegal practices that are followed by drivers throughout Southern California.

These are invisible driving practices that are not found in any code book of “How to Drive Books. (For you naive people, I write all of this in jest and none of these rules are real.)
Here it goes
DRIVERS
- U-Turns are okay, anywhere, any time, even during peak traffic time on Garvey Avenue.
- A yellow light means hurry up. It does not mean to slow down because it is going to turn red.
- It’s okay to make a right turn at an intersection without stopping, even though you have a red light and there are people crossing the street.
- Delivery vehicles, such as UPS and Fedex can stop anywhere, any time. They don’t need to bother looking for an empty parking space. Postal mail carriers are the only ones who bother to find a parking space.
- Cars making left turns have the right of way, even if they didn’t arrive first at the intersection.
- When a speed limit sign says “30 MPH” it is okay to go 40 miles per hour.
- You can make a left turn from any lane, even if there is a turn pocket or a turn signal.
- Always answer the cell phone when you are driving. I could be a million dollar sale or your wife wants you to pick up a gallon of milk.
- Text messages are by their nature, very important. Always read them and always type in a response.
- While driving, always carry your cell phone on your lap, just in case it rings or you get a text message.
- Don’t worry about signaling for lane changes. The other cars will get out of your way.

PEDESTRIANS
- Marked crosswalks offer you 100% protection against cars, even if you are crossing the street against a red light.
- Always wear dark clothing when walking at night.
- If you are trying to catch a bus, it is okay to go against a red signal.
- If you are trying to catch a bus, it is okay to cross diagonally at a major intersection.
- At intersections you can always stop oncoming cars by raising an arm and waving it.
- If you know you can’t catch the “walk” signal, its okay to cross the street before the intersection. It’s okay to cross and weave around cars that are stopped for the signal. You are smarter than them..
- When waiting for the “walk” signal, stand very close to the curb and be ready to jump out into the street. After all, the cars have powerful brakes and you have the right of way.
Remember all of this is written in jest. I am not serious about this.
 

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